some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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