Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
