guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize