Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
