Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
