Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
