i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
