I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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