there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize