Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
