none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
