Just cropdusted the office
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
