We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize