I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
