She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
