Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
