she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
