I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
