Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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