hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
