i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
