I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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