oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
