I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
