Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
