My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
