Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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