ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
