Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Do vagina's smell?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
