It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
