I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
