Define "chronic" masturbator.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
