your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
