I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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