Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
