What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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