I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
