I never want to see another naked old woman again.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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