no, he came in my armpit
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
