Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
