They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
