judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
