He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
