and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
