I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he fucked my hip out of place.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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