You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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