You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
