Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
