i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
