DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
