i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
