PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
