if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
