my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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