i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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