i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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