I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
