I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
