My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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