Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Pants are for mortals
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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