ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
