Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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