Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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