you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize