Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
