Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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