i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
