chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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