He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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