girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
