Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
