Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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