before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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