Already got asked if we're dating
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
