we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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